Climbing Jacob’s Ladder
By Jennifer Clark
“Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.”
The dream began with a beautiful angel reaching out its hand to a little girl trying to help her up a golden ladder of light. What the girl was doing here in this strange and mysterious place and where the ladder of light went, I had no idea. As I watched from some distant place, the little girl quickly became frustrated at not being able to reach the angel’s outstretched arm. The beautiful angel kept beckoning to her, “this way up!” motioning to an unknown destination skyward.
Whatever was up there, the little girl clearly wanted to go. Finally, on tiptoe, she fearlessly leapt up, grabbed the angel’s shining robes and climbed onto the angel’s back. From there, she found her way onto the ladder. “Hooray!” cried the child in delight. And, in that moment of triumph, the dream was over. I suddenly awoke with a start landing with a thud back in my body. As I slowly became conscious, I realized that the little girl in the dream was me. However, at that time, I was not a little girl but an unsettled young woman of 25 years.
I vividly remember that night even though it was over 10 years ago. The previous evening I had finished reading Neal Donald Walsch’s book, Conversations With God. Walsch is a former lawyer who was very unhappy with his life. In a moment of sheer frustration, he began to write God an angry letter. But the author’s pen turned from an emotional tirade against God to a loving and en-light-ening conversation with God. Walsch’s conversation with God turned into numerous best-selling books as well as a movie, and, more importantly, started my spiritual awakening.
As I reclined in my bed that fateful night, I distinctly remember thinking about Walsch’s book. I thought to myself, “what an interesting concept. I wonder if it could be true.” Suddenly, in my right ear, a loud booming Voice said, “well why wouldn’t it be?” Before I could think about where the Voice had come from, I mentally answered back, “because you just can’t talk to God.” A deep belly laugh erupted from the Voice and It Asked, “well, why not child?” I turned around to face the Voice fully expecting to see someone there but only saw the wall of my bedroom. I timidly checked back in with the Voice and asked “who is there?” “ I AM “ said the Voice. “Who are you?” I asked. “ I AM That I AM” came back the reply. With every tingling cell of my being, at that moment, I had such an overwhelming “knowing” that I was talking to God/Spirit/Creator that I became quite hysterical emotionally. In that moment, I lost my mind. In fact, I became emotionally unsettled for a whole year afterwards. For you see, after this divine conversation with God, I became instantly clairaudient which is the intuitive ability to hear through your inner ears.
As a child, I did not demonstrate any psychic ability and grew up in a fairly open but traditional family culture. The greater part of my professional career had been analytical. I graduated from Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario with a Bachelor of Arts Honours in Political Science. I then became a Canadian certified Risk Manager and worked for a Canadian general insurance company reviewing portfolios, doing business development, managing brokers and finally supervising a staff of 12 people. I led a normal and comfortable life. However, after reading Walsch’s book, my comfortable life soon became uncomfortable. At work, I began to “see” energy around people who would mentally “tell” me about that person. ( I have since found out this energy were people’s Guardian Angels). As a supervisor of a 12 staff, this became quite disconcerting and confusing. I would barely get through the day and then cry at home because I truly thought I was crazy. I no longer trusted myself and became afraid of what I would see or hear. I grew up half Greek. In my culture, you were either crazy or possessed if you talked to God and neither experience appealed to me at all. It got so bad for me that I had to finally step out of the “closet” and seek out professional help. Logically, I first went to my family doctor and shared with her my strange experiences. I saw in her eyes the look that so many analytical professionals give me when I explain to them that I see energy and hear voices. My family doctor is an amazing lady but as most educated professionals would assume, she thought I was stressed out. She prescribed me Zoloft, a mild form of Prozac, and sent me on my merry way. I felt somewhat relieved leaving her office at finally having a solution to my secret problem. The next day, I awoke and took my first pill. I did not like the thought of taking pills let alone taking anti-depressants. I didn’t feel depressed. I felt scared and seeking to understand my situation so I prayed for a sign from God that everything would be ok. Right after ingesting the pill, my body immediately threw up the medicine. I ran to the bathroom and thinking “wow, that was some sign!” Every day for a week, my body rejected the medicine like clockwork until finally I threw away the pills knowing that my body was trying to tell me something. Exactly what I still didn’t know so I made an appointment with my family priest to see what he would have to say.
Our family priest is a very intelligent and loving man, very well educated speaking several languages. Despite this, it was still extremely awkward to sit across from him and tell him I was talking to God. In the Greek culture, a priest holds a high level of divine authority and power and commands a great deal of respect. I was scared of him or more accurately what he would have to say. That same look came across his face when I explained him my mystical experiences. He prayed with me and blessed me. “Well, at least I know I am not possessed!” I thought to myself as I was leaving his office. At least that was something. I tackled my problem like a good scientist uncovering all possible solutions. I met with a clinical psychologist to see if I was really out of my mind. His office was at the Royal Ottawa Hospital. I felt shame and fear as I walked into the halls of the mental hospital. I asked myself “what am I doing here?” When I arrived, I was almost white as a sheet. Again, I was bracing myself for that “look”. Thankfully, he was the first “expert” that didn’t give me the “look”. He sat and listened compassionately as I explained my strange experiences. He advised me that he could not explain what was happening to me but felt I was sane, stable and completely “normal” young woman. “Hallelujah!” I am not crazy. If I wasn’t crazy and if I wasn’t possessed, then what was I? I went home and collapsed a mix of relief, happiness and fear. This search had taken its toll on me. Physically, I had developed a thyroid problem soon after my unexpected conversation with “God”. At first, I had hyperthyroidism which caused me to drop from a size 8 to a size 4 in a few weeks. I was nervous, hyper and out of balance. Going to work was a struggle. I cried all the time. Then I swung to hypothyroidism which caused me to go from a size 4 to a size 14 in just a few weeks. I was heavy, sluggish and depressed. Finally, after six months of trying to find the right medication, I had balanced out. To say this time was stressful for me and my family is a huge understatement.
At this point, I was tired and exhausted so I let my search for the truth go. I prayed every day that I would be alright. Looking back now, I see how the Universe perfectly orchestrated by “coming out” of the spiritual closet. It was during my aunt’s birthday party that my cousin Maria innocently asked me how I was doing. I emotionally broke down and blurted out “I am talking to God!” and started to cry in front of everyone at the restaurant. She whisked me to the bathroom, dried my tears and heard my strange tale of the past year. She gave me a hug and suggested I go see an emotional healer named Julie Desmarais. The suggestion resonated with me and it felt like a ray of sunshine had broken through the dark clouds. I made an appointment to see Julie the next week. Julie listened compassionately heard my strange tales of divine conversation. She softly laughed and told me “Jennifer, you’re just talking to Creator.” I answered without hesitation, “yes, I know. I just needed someone else to confirm it for me.” In that moment, I knew I was ok. In that moment, I had the validation I was so desperately seeking for so long. I began to work with Julie on a regular basis and became one of her students to learn about energy work and how to develop my psychic skills. It was through her that I learned about Doreen Virtue M.A Counselling who works with angels. Virtue is a popular spiritual teacher in the U.S. who left traditional counseling to help people connect to their spirituality through their angels.
I began to voraciously read all of Virtue’s books and began to “tune” into the angelic realms. I realized that energy around people I was seeing were in fact their Guardian Angels. I was becoming a voracious student devouring all kinds of information, reading books and taking classes. The next step in my self-discovery would be to study with Virtue herself. Virtue teaches an intensive seven day Angel Therapy® Practitioner’s class. At that time, it was taught in Newport Beach, California. This class cost several thousand dollars and I immediately rejected the thought of attending due to lack of funds. It was during one of my regular visits with Julie where she clairvoyantly saw me having an office and working with people who were lined up to see me. She told me that I had to go see Virtue. I laughed at the thought of working full time as a spiritual coach since I still had my regular job at the insurance company with a good salary and benefits. To me, leaving a job I had worked hard for was crazy. I answered back to Julie, rather sarcastically I will admit, “well, if God wants me to go, then He’d better pay.”
Be careful what you ask for! The following week I received an unsolicited credit card in the mail with exactly the amount of money that I required for my trip to Newport Beach, not one penny more, not one penny less. Coincidence or a prayer answered? I hemmed and hawed about the card for several weeks before I broke down and booked my trip to California with it. As a Canadian certified Risk Manager, this would be the craziest thing I had ever done up to that point. My parents weren’t too happy about it either. I was taking more risks in my life that just didn’t make logical sense. While my friends were out partying and having fun, I was gearing up to meet Virtue in California in November 2000. It was hard back then for me to be different, to follow the beat of my own drum especially when all of your friends were going the other way. I lost a lot of friends because I just couldn’t stomach the kind of activities they were doing. It was difficult for me to date since not many people back then were open to spirituality, healing, consciousness or metaphysics. My new skills made me see the world differently. I was different. I could not longer go back to the way things were. I had traveled the road too far. I could not go back. I could only move forward. I felt alone and sad but propelled on a path of purpose. Needless to say, the Angel Therapy® Practitioners course was just the medicine the doctor ordered. I found myself and my purpose. I received validation of my skills and returned home inspired and empowered. It was the best decision of my life.
A few months later in February 2001, I had a snowboarding accident where I seriously broke my left wrist. I was bed ridden for several months in extreme pain. Lying in bed in agony, it was there that I learned who I was and what I truly needed to do. It was one of the worst times of my life. I could not properly wash myself, wash my hair, drive, go to work or take care of myself. I was naked and alone with myself. I was scared. I was humbled. I was alone and yet I spent time drawing and journaling and writing down my dreams for my life and for the world I lived in. Being on short term disability, the experience made me realize I didn’t need the status of the job or lots of money or the accolades at work to be happy. I was happy just being me. It was a profound opportunity to get back to basics one, that I would not have taken on my own. Looking back, I realized that I was so stubborn and more honestly, so afraid of my divine purpose, that the Universe had to “take me out” and put me flat on my back to fully understand the divine mission I had signed up for. I had to sit with my self and all aspects of my shadow and make peace with it.
In May 2001, I was forced back to work by my employer. My wrist hadn’t fully healed yet. I was doing intensive and painful physiotherapy. I hated my job. I no longer fit into their corporate culture. I could no longer follow their rules. I felt stuck and abandoned by God. I wanted out. The universe heard and responded. On July 4, 2001 I was laid off from my job of 7 years. I felt the normal human fear, rage and humiliation at the news but my attention was brought to a calendar that I had tacked to my office wall. For some reason, I had circled in red pen the words “Independence Day” on the July 4th date. I had several American friends as a result of the workshop in California and most likely circled it to give them a call. However, that day, the words Independence Day seemed to shout out in my head in celebration. Immediately, a wave of peace washed over me. I knew things were going to be ok.
Not so coincidentally, I had one of my regular visits with Julie three days later. I walked with a smile on my face and proudly told her I was fired. She warmly hugged me and congratulated me! A strange response to such an event but there are no coincidences in the Universe. A friend once said that fear is simply not knowing what lies for you around the corner. I “knew” something better had to be waiting for me. Julie excitedly explained that one of her treatment rooms was available for rent and it was time for me to be a full time Angel Therapist – whatever that would mean! I laughed out loud but seriously doubted my ability to rent an office space with no feasible means of earning a living. She continued to explain the divine synchronicity around the room for rent. A friend of hers, Jeff,, had already rented out the room thinking he would use it as his office. However, it quickly became apparent to him that he had not rented the room for himself but for someone else, that he was simply holding space for the right person to come along. Julie felt that that right person was me. I was surprised, excited and scared all at once. Up until now, angelic work has been my passion, my hobby, but not my paid employment. Could I do it? Would I be good? How could I earn a living at it? How much does God pay?
I trusted the divine coincidences that led me to that moment. I prayed for an answer and the Voice gave me a resounding “Yes!” I took time to think about it and weighed the pros and cons. However, a short three days later, I signed the lease. I was nervous and excited all at once. The rest they say is history. I have been working as an Intuitive Coach helping people live their destiny’s with passion and purpose since 2001. To date, I have helped over 8000 people on their journey. won awards for my teaching, had my own community radio show for 12 years and now my own community television show. I am blessed and honored to be a part of such a magical adventure of self-discovery for myself and others. I realize now the experiences at the general insurance company allowed me to grow as a leader, as a mentor and as a coach. It was like a kind of boot camp for my future work. I learned valuable communication skills, public speaking skills, negotiation, empathy, compassion and responsibility for others. Today, my skills of concrete risk management, intuition and healing are blended for the perfect divine prescription. Looking back, I also realized I was never alone. I was never abandoned or stuck. I was in the right place at the right time for what I needed. I was always guided or supported in some way whether it was a dream, a book, a teacher, a class or a website that held some nugget of information for me. Every bad thing that happened was a correction or re-direction onto the right path. I discovered that when you are on the right path, in service to your-Self and others, Life opens all doors of opportunity. Just like the little girl in my dream, I had to take my leap of faith and find out that, you have to be out of your mind to know “God” and armed with that knowing all things are truly possible.
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