JEN’S ZEN TV
Aired live on Rogers 22 Television From September 2013 to June 2015
Intuitive advisor Jennifer Clark offers her en-light-ening and inspiring soulful solutions to life’s challenges in her “Jen’s Zen” Rogers 22 TV community television program aired live Tuesdays from 7:30pm to 9:00pm ET.
Watch your old favourite episodes on my Jen’s Zen YouTube channel.
Read a Viewer Response from a happy viewer:
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to watch “Jen’s Zen” every week. This show is like a kind of therapy session because it answers all kinds of questions that normal people faces every day. Even if I don’t get the chance to call in, I can watch it and get answers to some of my own worries. Jennifer Clark is a superb soul who wants to help many. In the fast paced world that we live today, traditional doctors don’t have time to listen or give us advice. It can also take too long to get an appointment with a traditional health professional when real life is happening now. I really appreciate it when Jennifer takes the time to answer our concerns about life. To me, she’s a doctor of the soul. I want to thank Rogers 22 TV for giving us this kind of non-traditional therapy…..Lucie C.
Before Jen’s Zen was a tv show, it was an advice column in a local spiritual magazine.
Please read archived question and answers from previously published Jen’s Zen columns:
Q: Dear Zen Master, I need some of your insight. I recently accepted a salaried job that seemed like a perfect fit. It’s been 4 months now and I really hate it! I don’t know what to do. Am I stuck? P.J in Kanata
A: Thanks for the compliment PJ but I am far, far, from being a Zen Master. If I were to pretend to be a Zen Master, I would have advise you to accept the situation as is without ego or attachment. Accept what is for now as temporary. Be grateful for having a job in a challenging economy. Cosmic law dictates that you can only leave something “in love and in gratitude” or the negative karmic lessons will follow you to the next person, place or situation. I’d suggest you to make a list of what you’ve done for the past 10 years writing down the kinds of roles you’ve had for money and as a volunteer. Then make a list of the kinds of activities you’d love to do. Then, this is the fun part, make a list of what you would do if you could not fail – if you had all the time, money, knowledge, access etc – what would you do with your time – for fun, for free? The trick is to link up all three lists to see where the common ground might be. What I do for my clients in my personal one on one consults is to create a bridge between where you’ve been, what you love to do and what you’d love to do. Therein lies your passion and your purpose. When I tune in to your specific situation, I sense a woman with brown hair inviting you for lunch in the next 3 weeks. Ask her to be your eyes and ears on the ground. Tell her you’re looking for right work and ask her to keep her eyes open for you. I sense she’ll respond to you in about 5 months time. In the meantime, read “Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting” by Lynn Grabhorn and focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want. Learn what you need to learn from your current job. Learn it with love, gratitude and grace so you can leave quickly and honorably.
Q: Dear Jen, I work hard and make a good living and have nice things but can never seem to enough money. Do you see any money in my future? Trump In Training
A: Dear In Training, the concern over money seems to be a common theme for a lot of people. Johnathan Randolph Price says that money is “My Own Natural Energy Yield.” Remember that money is simply energy. It comes. It goes. Asking and receiving, giving and sharing are part of the flow of abundance. First things first. Buy an inexpensive accounting/bookkeeping software program to create a budget and get an accurate assessment of where you spend your money. Many of us spend unconsciously and waste our re-Sources on things that don’t really matter. Second, read “The Abundance Book” by Johnathan Randolph Price to get a true sense of what abundance is. Most people focus on money but abundance is really the ability to do what you want to do when you want to do it. Money may have nothing to do with this. Bartering, sharing re-sources with your family, friends, using things like Airmiles or points are ways to get what you want without using money. Tithing 10% of your income to charity was a common religious practice in many cultures. My suggestion is to find one charity that you can be really passionate about and dedicate an acceptable portion of your monthly salary to it to create the flow of give and take. Third, visit the website www.thejourney.com and click on a tab for “New Beginnings Cleanse.” This is a free 8 day abundance detox created by Brandon Bays, the creator of The Journey® Process. For more information, visit her websitewww.thejourney.com. If it’s a fit for you, I suggest you listen to the free webinars where Brandon will guide you through effective processes to help you unlock your ability to have, create and share abundance. Tuning in, I sense that with right attention, working on your self and creating a shift in your money beliefs that in 6 months your earned income will increase either through a promotion or a bonus. Do you h-OM-ework. This homework will pay off.
Q: Dear Jen, I hope I am not too forward. I saw how you answer people in Ottawa Natural and thought I’d give it a try. I finished cancer treatment in June. I am having a hard time knowing what to do next. I have issues with tenants, family and generally don’t know what is going on with my life. Can you help? Barb
A: Ah, shi(f)t happens doesn’t it!! Glad you reached out. Overcoming a dis-ease is not something you should do alone. First, let’s make peace with what is. Accept the chaos as a temporary state of being. That which we resist, persists. I suggest you make an “offering” to the cancer for its lessons, teaching and gift. I know this sounds crazy but what you cannot honor you cannot heal. An “offering” can be tobacco place at the foot of a tree, a crystal buried in the ground or a rock or flower tossed into a lake, river or pond. Before you leave your “offering” take time to connect with the dis-ease and thank it for all the things it taught you. Cancer is simply stuck unresolved emotions typically anger, resentment and unforgiveness. The cancer was simply your body’s way of detoxing old stuck emotional energy. Bless it and call it good! Read The Molecules Of Emotion by Dr. Candace Pert. Second, any pattern in your life is an indication that something is energetically off in your mind, body, spirit and emotions. When you always have a problem with some-one or some-thing, you are the problem! Own it so you can deal with it and heal it. Read Manifest Your Destiny by Wayne Dyer. Make a list of everything and everyone that is ticking you off. Then in your mind’s eye, call their energy to you using your imagination and do the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer ” I’m sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you.” Repeat this mantra over and over to them as you are energetically connecting to the things that are out of balance your life. Forgiveness is the only key to balance and harmony that is why all the spiritual teachers like Buddha, and Jesus talked about it. It is the key to your salvation! Spend 30 days of concerted effort to forgive yourself and all those around you. During this time, pray or intend “show me the way” daily. At the end of the 30 days, you should receive a sign on what is next on your path. I sense that a self-development or spiritual development workshop would be useful for you to enroll in – check out local spiritual magazines for upcoming courses, Spiritual Frontiers Canada and the Ottawa Carleton School Board General Interest courses.
Q: Dear Jen, I need some of your inspire-ation! I am 42 years old who does not know if she wants to have a baby. I may be too old. You should know I have also had a lot of abuse in my life. Can you help? Frustrated Susan in Ottawa
A: Dear Susan, you have to go backwards to go forwards. Your question is a common question I get of late from women our age. First, know that despite what science tells you, your body is your own to dictate whether it is healthy enough to conceive, carry and deliver a child. Science doesn’t know what it doesn’t know. Before you move forward, you have to reclaim the broken pieces of the past. Anytime the body suffers any kind of trauma, physical, emotional or mental, it keeps a live record of the negative event running like a program in your cellular memory unless you have taken the time to release it. These unconscious radio waves or movie memories emit electromagnetic signals that send out repeated themes in your life. Because of the law of attraction, the universe has no choice but to send you what you are sending it first even if it is negative. You are a co-creator so the universe allows you to create what you want even if it’s not good for you. This is why you see so many people create repeated drama in their lives – they have programs running from their childhood or adolescence that keep the nightmares coming! Change your tune! Get a tune up! Get some good energy work like reiki or sound therapy or tuning fork therapy to help shift the layers of the past programming. Read my previous answer to Barb and do the same forgiveness exercise for those that hurt you as well. Work with a qualified counselor to help you with the past abuse. If you send me an email, I can refer you to a qualified counselor who is both spiritually trained and academically trained as well. I sense that it will take 3 months for you to make a decision one way or another and, get past the past. Should you decide to try to conceive a child, then there is a girl child waiting for you in the Spirit world. I sense her conception in 6 months. If you don’t to have a child, that’s ok too. The girl child will simply choose another able female in your/her soul group to incarnate with.
Q: Dear JC, I need your help! I have two job opportunities in front of me right now and I don’t know which one to take. One is within my own department in a higher position and the other is in another department but at the same level. Both interest me. I don’t know what to do! Confused in the Capital.
A: Congratulations for having so many choices! Interesting how when we ask for opportunity to knock, both the front and back door bells ring! Remember that there are no bad choices. Each direction will lead you to learning, experience and understanding of your-Self. Tuning in, I see that if you go up the corporate ladder within your own department there may be resistance internally from co-workers and team members who may challenge your new authority. This is of course is man-ageable but may cause you some increased stress and anxiety. If you take the other offer in the new department, I see a road much clearer and broader for you. If you choose this option, it looks like you’ll be able to move up the ladder faster due to upcoming retirements and promotions from your superiors in the other department. In the end, you always have you choose for your-self and own your decisions and own any resulting consequences. Close your eyes and breathe into your body. Place your hand over your heart and feel the warm energy flowing from your hand into your body. “Talk” to your heart centre and “ask” it “show me the way.” Think about what it would feel like to stay in your department and accept the promotion. Pay attention to thoughts, feelings, ideas, that are coming to you. Then, think about leaving your department entirely for the other position as the same level. Pay attention to any visions you are receiving. Write down your experience no matter how subtle or soft. Compare the two. Which one feels better? Know that whatever you decide, it is already the right choice.
Q: I’ve been happily married for several years now and feel its time to have a child. My husband is ambivalent about it so I’ve decided to proceed forward. I’ve been off the pill for almost 6 months now and I’m still not pregnant. Do you see me having a child? Baby’s Mama in Sandy Hill.
A: Dear Baby’s Mama, this is really a common problem I encounter with my clients. Energetically, it is about a “fit” between the mother and father’s energy fields. Both parents need to be ready, willing and able to conceive a child. When conception is a problem, I usually recommend first getting a medical check up to ensure both of you are healthy and working with your medical professional about resolving the issue. Then, I suggest both parents getting energy work done followed up by acupuncture. These two remedies alone have created many a happy family situation for my clients. Many naturopathic medical reports already consider acupuncture an effective solution to infertility. Do some research on the topic. Talk to a Naturopathic Doctor or Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine. When I tune into your specific situation, I do sense biological naturally conceived children in your future, however in about 1 year’s time. I suggest you have a more honest discussion about children and the concept of having a family with your husband. I sense that there is something in his childhood that creates a hesitation in him about raising his own children, specifically do to with his own father. I’m not putting the blame on him however do feel he may be having some unconscious fears about having kids that when resolved could support more successful results.
Q: Dear JC, I hope you can help. I’m confused. I am a married woman with two children. I am having an affair with my neighbour. I feel he is my soulmate. I want to leave my husband. What should I do? Shannon in Orleans.
A: Dear Shannon, funny, I have been doing a lot of non-traditional marriage counseling lately and have seen that a lot of relationships are either growing apart or growing together through adversity. I sense this will intensify for couple’s not in integrity with each other as we move closer to 2012. I can sense you do feel hollow inside and neglected in your relationship with your husband. However, escaping into another man’s arms is not the way to feel better. I preach “measure twice and cut once” which means before you leap into a course of action that would potentially negatively affect many people’s lives you better be sure of what you are doing. Think twice. Please understand that there are essentially two kinds of soul relationships – soul buddy which is a like a soul sister or brother platonic in nature or soulmate which is romantic and/or sexual. I do sense that your friend next door is a soulmate BUT so is your husband. What to do? Tuning in, it is not clear to me that if in this lifetime you and boy next door are supposed to be together. Let me explain. In every lifetime we travel with a bunch of souls who are in our “soul group” that support us in learning big lessons and ultimately help us evolve and ascend back to Source/God. In addition, each person has been “assigned” multiple soulmate (romantic) potentials in any one lifetime to support and nuture us. This assignment occurs because the universe is governed by Divine Design AND free will. There is always a Divine Plan in play that you yourself have co-created but also there is also Free Will as well. Luckily, the universe is fluid and responds to free will decisions and self-corrects. No matter what, everyone is taken care of and love is abundant for all who are open to it. Part of the confusion is that soulmates can pop in just to say hi, to stay for a while or stay for the long haul meaning that not all soulmates are meant to be acted upon or lived with romantically in this lifetime. You have to determine, without emotional influence, what role your boy next door plays and what role your husband plays. This is the tricky part. You’ve already “jumped” into bed with boy next door and I sense still having relations with your husband. This causes your energy fields to merge and blend with both men and essentially “mix up your paints” creating increased confusion and lack of clarity for you. Here’s the medicine you’re not going to like. Put your affair with boy next door on hold. Explain in as loving a way as possible to your boy next door that you need to get your head straight and heart focused before you can make any big decisions and that your priority is your marriage and your family. Talk to your husband as unemotionally as you can about how you’ve been feeling disconnected from him. Share with him that there is a problem that he may or may not be aware of. Invite him to find a solution with you. Give your husband the respect to work things out with you even if it means separation. Invite him to go to marriage counseling. Even if he doesn’t choose to go, he will now know that there is a problem, that you’ve asked him to help solve it and that there is a solution being presented. Either way, you have to go to counselling for your own self. Sort out your feelings and the real reason you are attracted to boy next door. Beyond the feelings of what you have for boy next door right now, ask yourself if he is good for the long haul? Is he worth the risk of ending your marriage and forever changing your family? Will boy next door be a good husband, a good step-father, a good provider etc? Go within and ask your-self “what is in my highest and greatest good?” A simple Buddhist trick is to lie down and place your hand on your sacred heart (centre of your chest) and ask yourself “remember the solution to….” Intuitively, your body will reveal the answer to you. Think before you leap.
Q: Dear Jen, I am lonely and tired of being a card carrying member of the lonely hearts club. I am an educated man who is 50 years old with a good job. I am divorced and at peace with my ex-wife and children. I enjoy being social but hate the bar scene and on line dating. I was raised with more traditional values and not sure where I fit in anymore. Can you help? Any advice would be appreciated. Stan in Gatineau.
A: Stan the man! And, what a man you are! I appreciate your honesty and sense you are a person of great integrity and sincerity. The dating scene as is being presented in today’s fast paced world can be a world of illusions that is driven by the need for quick emotional fixes. I agree that you’ll have to find a more creative way to find your true life’s partner. A suggestion I can give. My colleague Tina Short owner of A Memorable Gift giftshop hosts singles parties for the educated, authentic more mature single. She has had great success in creating fun events and activities for people to mix and mingle without the pressure of the bar scene in a genuine way. Contact her firstname.lastname@example.org to see when her next singles event is happening. Regardless, take heart, I see you with a woman aged 48 yrs to 54 yrs old who appears divorced with no children. She is laughing and feels like she like the outdoors and being active. She has a great smile and bright eyes and stands about 5’6″ tall. Now, where to find her? Hm, let’s see. Well, I do think she lives or spend quite a bit of time the Wakefield area and that she belongs to an outdoor club of some kind like a canoe club or walking group. However, before you gallop off, all you have to do is focus on the kind of relationship you are looking for. Make a list of the qualities the Perfect Her has and pay particular attention to how she makes you feel. What you feel, you make real. Feel it in your life today. Sit in quiet meditation and imagine the Perfect Her beside you right now enjoying all the things you love to do. Do this visualization several times a day. Then, go do the things you love to do. Be active. Get out there even if you are joining a group or doing an activity alone. Circulating your energy allows you the universe opportunities to send you the right people you need. Also, I’m getting a gentle nudge by your angels to get a haircut, and buy some new fashion forward clothes – one or two pieces would do. They don’t have to be expensive. The Bay, The Gap, Banana Republic and even Walmart and good old Giant Tiger have great inexpensive selections on items that can update any wardrobe. Read “The Law of Attraction” by Michael Losier. Believe in love. Be the thing you want in your life.
Q: Dear Zenmeister Jen, I need help! Why does my life seem so out of control?? I can’t decide upon which man in my life I should choose. One is a lovely married man that I’ve “known” for 4 years and the other is a hopeless romantic, emphasis on the hopeless. Can you help? I don’t know which way to turn. Lost in Love, Kanata.
A: Dear Lost In Love, when it rains it pours doesn’t it?? Outside of conventional morality, it is always best to choose the candidate who is single and able to offer you a relationship during the light of day not skulking in the shadows of the dark. It has been my experience as a counselor that most of the relationships that are clandestine stay that way on some level. What if I told you the answer might be neither? Here again I am not trying to skirt the issue but energetically neither option is a perfect “fit” for you at this time. Why I know this is your not clear and concise on what you want yet so how can the universe be? You attract what you are. Read Michael Losier’s book “The Law of Attraction.” Next, make a list of all the pro’s and con’s of each relationship as it stands today. Then keep an honest accounting of how each person makes you feel on a regular basis. It has been my experience that most people in bad relationships forget or block out all of the bad times and only focus on those few precious moments of fun. If most of the time you are frustrated because the married man cannot support you and you only feel good in the few exciting stolen moments you have with him, then the balance sheet doesn’t look so good on this relationship overall. Relationships are about every day little things. Also, if Hopeless Romantic makes you feel good over wine and dinner but is a basket case Monday to Friday in every day life, then he’s not such a go(o)d catch either is he? But, only you can decide what is right for you. Make a list of what you are looking for in a relationship and focus on the feelings of that person, of that experience. How does the perfect relationship make you feel? What you feel, you make real. This is your barometer to measure the present relationships in your life. How do they measure up to the ultimate experience? Poor? Fair? Good? Excellent? Where are you living? Are you settling for the poor side of fair or creating joy on the good side of excellent? Relationships are also simply mirrors of ourselves. What are they showing you about you? Ask your-self if you are you really ready for committed relationship with a great guy or are you just scared to be alone and will make due with any guy? Only you know the real answer. Two books to read over the holidays to help you uncover your truth: A Path To Love by Deepak Chopra and When The Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd.
Q: Dear Jen, I realize how afraid of dying I am. I am relatively healthy and middle age so I really shouldn’t be focused on this but it seems to creep into my private thoughts. Any advice would be appreciated. John in Ottawa.
A: Dear John, believe it or not a lot of people are afraid of dying. I’m not sure exactly why it seems to be such a common fear but if we look at our society in general there does seem to be a lot of flux and chaos in our modern times. The trick is to stay focused, grounded and present in the “now” moment for this is the only moment we have control over (if we truly have any control at all). Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle to jump start your living in the now. When you have such a fear, I want you to sit down, close your eyes and breathe deeply in and out while imagining tree roots growing out of the soles of your feet and going into the centre of the earth. This will immediately help calm you down and get you centered. Repeat the mantra “I am safe.” Second, I sense you are highly intellectual and mental (in a good way I mean:)) so I highly recommend monitoring how much TV you watch or news your read. Sadly, in today’s fear mongering environment, not watching the news is a good thing. Seldom will you hear about the positive feel good stuff life has to offer but instead of bombarded by images of famine, death, war, disaster and disease. Over time, these images do have an impact and shape your subconscious into believing the world is unsafe and dangerous. The trick is to create some kind of balanced approach to keeping up with current events without getting sucked into the media’s negativity machine. Watch what you are watching! Focus instead on life, joy, and vitality. Also, because I sense you are pretty sedentary, get your physical body moving somehow on a daily basis – take a walk at lunch, do stretching, play a team sport. It will shift your energy fields and shift your perspective of life. When in crisis, I suggest trying Rescue Remedy by Bach Flower Essences to help calm you down for those anxious moments you may have. Work with a qualified counselor to see if there is a prior event that is causing you this fear. Doing a shamanic journey into the lower world to uncover your wounded secret would be helpful to change your subconscious programming. You can email me privately and I’ll recommend a good shamanic practitioner for you.
Q: Dear Jennifer, please help! I am a mother of a different kind of child. I don’t know what to do for him. I am my wits end. He just doesn’t seem to fit in anywhere. His name is Thomas and he is 12 years old. He is a big kid and we’ve put him into hockey. He seems to be doing well there but I am not sure if he is really happy doing it if you know what I mean. Any advice would be appreciated. Worried Mom, Kanata, ON.
A: Dear Worried Mom, you’ve come to the right place. I come across this scenario a lot in my private practice. Parents seem to place their children in the kinds of activities they themselves would like to do or like to have done and sometimes forget the desires or the unique make up of their child. In this case, Thomas is a sensitive kid. Please visit www.highlysensitivekid.com for more info. I sense that Thomas is a Gentle Giant and energetically seems to be conflicted at wanting to perform for you at hockey which unfortunately is more of an aggressive and competitive sport versus listening to his own sensitive compassionate side. I believe he is in conflict with him-Self – the desire to be true to himself and the desire to have his parent’s approval and love. I sense that because of his size other people are automatically stereotyping him incorrectly. Also, I sense that his Dad is trying to live out a bit of an NHL dream through his child. I am glad you emailed me with this situation. I would like to offer you a free half hour consultation for you and Thomas to help you create a neutral space for Thomas to share his feelings on the matter. If you talk to Thomas, really talk to him and let him know that you, and his father, have no attachment to him playing hockey, then I think you would see Thomas gravitating to more creative activities like music or peer leadership. Music seems to be a better space for Thomas at this time. Thomas has all the answers though. Talk to your child. Parenting is THE most important job and it is important to keep a neutral position when you are seeing your little angels evolving and growing in front of you. Try not to impose your own judgments or beliefs on them as best you can in order to give Thomas the opportunity to spread his wings and fly. Read “The Indigo Children” by Lee Carroll – www.kryon.com for more information.
Q: Dear Jen, I am a mother of a beautiful little boy aged 3 years old named Alexandre. He is constantly seeing “monsters” all around him and visibly gets afraid. What is this? I can’t see anything but he seems to. He doesn’t sleep at night well either. Please help. Joanne in Orleans, ON.
A: Dear Joanne, thank you for your email. This is also a topic I see quite a bit in my practice. There are many children become awakening earlier on to their psychic and intuitive gifts. Your Alexandre is what we would call a “crystal child”. Please visit www.thecrystalchildren.com for more information. Alexandre seems to be tuning into psychic stuff that can be floating out there. To the normal eye, there is no-thing there but to the sensitive eye there can be lots weird and wonderful energy. First, I want you to create a story about a superhero named Angel Michael who helps all children keep safe. Google a picture of Arch Angel Michael and try to pick a child friendly version. Show Alexandre the picture of Michael and let him know he is Alexandre’s friend. Let Alexandre know that is not alone and then when he needs help, his invisible friend, the Angel Michael will be there to help. Empower your son to create his own safe space. Instruct Alexandre to tell the “monsters” to “leave!” and place his hand out and imagine cobalt blue lightning coming out of his hands as Alexandre directs the healing energy to the “monster”. If Alexandre likes dragons imagine his hand shaped like a dragon’s mouth and have him imagine blue fire coming out of his hand. The blue energy will dissipate any negative energy. Arch Angel Michael or St. Michel is the angel of protection and governs the Cosmic Blue Flame of Protection. It is no coincidence then that cobalt blue is the colour of protection on an energetic level. I would then smudge with sweetgrass or sage Alexandre’s room making sure you clear the space inside the closet and in the corners. Sweetgrass and sage are plant medicines that get rid of negative or misqualified energy. Then, I would place a large piece of rose quartz crystal beside Alexandre’s bed or underneath it to energetically keep his fields clear and safe while he sleeps. Rose quartz is a crystal of unconditional love and helps balances emotions available readily in Ottawa. I get mine at 3 Trees on Main Street. Also, remove any and all mirrors in Alexandre’s room. Mirrors should never be in a bedroom where you sleep especially in a child’s bedroom. Mirrors are doorways to other worlds. When you look into the mirror, someone or something else can be looking back. Sensitive souls know this (and small children and animals) and it disturbs them greatly. If, for some reason, the mirrors cannot be removed, then they should be covered by a dark heavy cloth at night. Never under any circumstances should you sleep with a mirror facing you on the wall opposite you as you sleep. This can scatter your soul’s energy and leave you feeling extremely disturbed and uneasy. I had a couple who came to me looking for some counsel. The husband refused to sleep in their bedroom and the wife was taking it personally. This was causing a lot of problems in their marriage. When I asked a few questions, I found out that there was a large antique mirror (the worst kind of mirror as mirrors remember every image they see or witness) on the wall facing their bed. I told her to take down the mirror and smudge their room. That very night the husband slept like a baby in his own bedroom.
Q: I am in the middle of a nasty legal custody between myself and my wife. I am a loving father who does pay his child support on time, loves to spend time with my kids and is genuinely interested in their lives and their well-being. My ex resents me for “changing” and in my opinion is holding the kids hostage in the process. A few years ago, I was tired of the rat race and began to take up yoga for a bad back and migraines. Quickly, the pain disappeared and my eyes were opened up to a new way of thinking and feeling. I felt free for the first time in years. I tried to share this with my wife but it scared her for some reason. She became resentful and angry. We just could never seem to create a common ground again. My main concern are my kids and their well-being. Will this get better? Sad Dad from Kanata
A: Congratulations son of Adam for seeing the light! Welcome to the party – it’s about time! We definitely need more enlightened men around here! I am saddened to hear that you and your wife couldn’t grow together and now the children are caught in a power struggle. What I sense from her is great fear, a fear of loss of control which stems from her childhood. Were her parents divorced perhaps or did someone in her life who was important to her leave her life when she was young? I see her clinging on to everything that seems real, safe and known to her even if it no longer serves her. She feels like a drowning victim clinging onto a floating log holding on for dear life. The image of water is a dream symbol of emotions – she is drowning in her emotions. If this makes sense to you, then the first thing you will learn o’ newly enlightened one is to have compassion for the other person. Those who are hardest to love are the ones that need it the most. This will be a great test for your newly acquired skills. A really good book to read is The Art Of Spiritual Peacemaking by James Twyman. I suggest every night before bed doing the Hawaiian Huna process of “ho’oponopono” which means to make right. Essentially it is the Hawaiian code of Forgiveness. Every night imagine the best part of her, the woman to whom you originally fell in love with. If you can’t do that, then imagine her as a 10 year old child vulnerable and scared. The forgiveness prayer is simple and goes something like this: “I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you.” I suggest saying it 9x in a row. Say it slow with feeling and imagine the feeling of universal love and harmony flow between you and the best part of her. Remember, whether you like it or not, you married her, and most importantly she will always be in your life as the mother of your children and deserves your respect for that. I suggest doing this prayer for at least 30 days in a row before analyzing results. I’ve done this for 5 minutes after I had a fight with a friend and she called me right back to apologize. The second thing I see for you is to seek out mediation versus litigation for child custody. In this case, your ex feels like she just wants to be loved and feel safe. This is her underlying wound which infects all her actions. Remember you married her and you must have had an attachment or attraction to this particular wound yourself at that time so no judgment please. We all have issues. What I mean to say is that I sense that her control around your kids isn’t about your parenting or custody at all so with the right solution to the right problem, this fight will die away and open up to reveal more civility and friendly relations. Give it 4 months to change. Your heart will be full by the end of the summer. Be at peace. Be at peace. Be at peace. This too shall pass.
Q: I’ve been dating this man for a few months on line and I think we have a real connection. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to talk to him and how quickly we talked about intimate and personal issues. I know this sounds like a cliché but I am really happy. I am nervous about moving forward because all of my friends are worried that I’m taking things too fast and are encouraging me to keep dating. His name is Ben and he lives a few hours away. We have yet to meet in person. Every time I try to arrange a meeting half way in between, something comes up in his schedule. Do you see a future for us? Hopeful in Orleans.
A: Dear Hopeful, congratulations for having the chutzpah to go on line. The on line dating thing takes guts. Like anything, there are no guarantees. It can work and can be a lot of fun but you must have your eyes and ears open. Using your intuition is critical here. I sense you have a really sweet energy and are earnestly seeking a soul mate. However, you don’t look for a soul mate, you attract one. Let me explain. You become the thing you want to attract. If you are looking for a decent, handsome, fit, successful, financially stable man then you have to become the thing he would be looking for. I sense that the decision in your case to go on line was that of frustration with current circumstances. Have you been feeling disappointed with romance in your life before going on line? I also sense pressure from your extended family to settle down. Is that true? Unfortunately, these are not the best intentions to support your best results. Do not force a square peg into a circle just because everyone else is settling down or there is some imaginary clock ticking away. People who get married or become serious for those reasons usually get divorced or break up a few years later because the original wound of the relationship was fear based and soon falls away leaving no glue in the relationship to keep it together. In your case, honestly, I don’t get a sense you are really ready for a serious relationship with anyone yet until you have a serious relationship with your-Self. Get to know yourself, what makes you tick, what you like etc. Find out what you want. Do the things you want to do. Watch the movie “Runaway Bride” with Julia Roberts and see if any messages pop up for you. Regarding Ben, it is high time you meet him. Energetically, I sense there is something hidden in his life. What I have learned about men in my young 39 years on this planet is they chase and go after what they want and do not let anything in their way. The most heartwarming thing for me to see is my male friends getting excited about a date with a woman they really like. They become all school boyish and excited. It gives me hope. You’ve been connecting with Ben now for a few months but haven’t yet met because of him. Remember it is very easy to create another persona over the internet. It’s safe to lie and create fantasy relationships. Do you use Skype or a web cam? I recommend to all my clients if they are on line dating to meet the person as soon as possible in a public or safe place or use Skype or a web cam to see the other person. If you are using a web cam, check out the room behind them. How is it decorated? It can tell you a lot about the person. Use all your senses. Think with your head AND feel with your heart. Monitor the quality of the conversations too. If it’s too sexual, then there’s no real thing there between you to except chemistry. Chemistry fizzles out in time if that’s the only thing holding people together. You need to create a foundation of common values, interests and ideas. Time is an issue with a lot of men too. If they already have busy lives, what time will he have for you? Make notes about the conversations. Gather data in a non-judgmental way. If you do feel he’s worth the chance, what I do suggest is to invite him here on your turf. Be safe. Book him a hotel room (at his expense). Believe you me a guy who is properly motivated would be happy to drive to see you and pay his way (and yours) for a great weekend. You can either cancel the hotel if things work out or if they really work out; work it out in the hotel room! The right guy would want you to feel comfortable and safe. I suggest reading “ A Return To Love” by Marianne Williamson in the meantime. Slow down. Eyes Open. Make face time.
Jennifer Clark is a popular Intuitive Counsellor in Ottawa giving over 8000 people worldwide soulful solutions to life’s problems. Visit www.jenniferclark.ca.