As people shift and grow 🌱during these intense cosmic times, challenges 🤼♀️ may be presented to them to incite these changes. When they reach out for help 🚑, most aren’t looking for a solution, they are seeking space to be heard and understood 🗣.
When my sister died 3 years ago, my Mom and I experienced this all too often. It was frustrating 😠😢 and made us feel even more alone and isolated in our grief. We understood it as we’ve been on both sides at different times🦉.
It’s been called “conversational narcissism” and happens when the focus of a conversation shifts from the Other back to You 🙅🏻♀️. This common misstep is slippery 🦶🏻and easy to fall prey to 🦅. Most people shift the focus to themselves to connect to that Other with shared pain; to empathize. Many don’t know what to say or what to do to help someone 🤷♀️. In our case, there was nothing to do or say to make the situation better. That’s the point. Don’t do or say anything 🤫. Just simply BE there to hold space. Allow the Other to be heard 👂. If you have to, ask questions. Be compassionate. Realize that the drama-trauma the Other is going through is causing the Other pain on some level even if it’s no biggie to you.
As I practice the spiritual art of unconditional love 🌹holding space is one of the main skills I need to master. In the past, if I heard news that affected me, I quickly shifted from holding space as supportive Observer to inserting myself in the story as pained Participant. I unintentionally viewed the drama-trauma from my own lens 📷, experience and pain point. I filtered their drama-trauma through my own pain and lose the opportunity to be there for some One I cared about. I unintentionally made them feel even more alone and abandoned. In one recent relationship, this unconscious behaviour of mine became the main reason why it ended. I lost some One I truly cared about 🥀.A heavy price to pay for growth. Fortunately for me, I am a quick learner and big self-reflector 🎭. Learning this sooner than later has made me better personally and professionally. “The comparison curse” as I call it has been my achilles heel. It’s been liberating and lightening 🌄 to become aware of it and then eventually free of it.
Need to lighten UP your-Self? I’ll be holding space for you online later today at 4pm ET hosting my Lift Off With Jennifer Clark webinar via Zoom. Join us if you feel so called. #shift2gether Soulful Solutions with Jennifer Clark